The Craigheads

Before I was a mom....

2009-08-12T07:34:00.001-07:00

... I thought that formula and cereal were the same thing.

... I didn't completely comprehend "no sleep" actually meant that I would no longer sleep longer than three hours in a row and even then, the quality of sleep would go from a deep sleep to just "resting" while still keeping an ear out for the cries of the baby.

... I never thought I would be so excited over baby poop. :)

... I really thought Ava was going to look like me. Brown hair, brown skin, hazel eyes??? These are all dominant traits, no?? Instead, I must settle for her having my hands and feet. Bless her heart. She's gonna be a sasquatch like her mama.

... I never, ever, ever truly appreciated all that my mom did when we were little. And I don't think i have ever loved her more than I do now.

... I told myself I was going by the book. To the tee. Only sleeping on the back, don't hold too much so you won't spoil them, no cereal until 6 months, don't bathe everyday as to not dry out their skin.... And now, I have a 7 week old who sleeps however she wants, is in her mama, daddy, or granny weezer's arms all the time, takes cereal right before bed and for breakfast, and gets a bath every night and LOVES IT!

... I didn't realize that even running to the store or fast food drive thru would be a huge production.

... I have no idea what I did with all that extra time. Why didn't I clean more??? Or work out more?? OR SLEEP MORE!!????

... and what about all the extra money???! Its kind of pathetic how much money chad and I could have saved before she arrived. But no... we blew it.

... I understand that I would feel so strong and so weak at the same time everyday.

... I didn't realize how after the birth, mothers fade into the background.

... I thought my dog was a quiet dog. Now, when AJ lays down for a nap, its like everything he does is on high volume. Seriously, how loud can one dog snore!?

... I thought I wanted 10 kids. Then I had her and decided she was going to be an only child. Now I am thinking of three as a magic number.

... I never understood how a mom could talk so extensively about her children. I remember thinking, "Can't you talk about something else??" Then I realized that for a mom, there is little else you want to talk about. :)

... I didn't realize how important MY relationship with God was to her.

... I wasn't prepared to become so humbled. I have always been good at whatever I have done. I have always been confident in whatever I have done. Motherhood is something that you constantly question how "good" you are and you can forget about confidence.

... I didn't have a motherly instinct and I never thought I would. Then she was born. And it took over.

... I never thought I would bid on eBay for formula. But I did. And I won.

... I had a body that although it wasn't perfect, it was mine and i was comfortable. I think its going to take some time to get that "comfort" back.

... I never knew about the advisory benefits of status updates on facebook and myspace. Ask and you shall receive!

... I never thought I would sing every Beatles song I could think of at 3am just to try to lull her back to sleep.

... I thought pregnancy brain was bad. Ha. Mama Brain is 10x worse.

... I thought I would do anything in the world to get rid of my acid reflux. Now I would do anything in the world to get rid of hers.

... I never knew how much I truly loved my husband.

Doc Visits

2009-07-14T12:44:00.000-07:00

Its been an exciting couple of days for us. First off, Friday, Ava Jayne had her two week checkup (this technically wasn't her first doc visit b/c we had to go a week ago due to some bleeding from her umbilical cord area, but all was well). She was born at 7 lbs 12.2 oz and she weighed in on Friday at 8 lb 2 oz. The doctor said they like them to be back up to their birth weight by their two week visit so looks like our little chunk is doing quite well. He said everything looks great with her. We got the ok to let her sleep on her side. I know it increases SIDS risk slightly, but the child just will not sleep on her back. The doctor says the main reason side sleeping is discouraged is the risk of the baby rolling onto her stomach so as long as I keep her wedged on her side (which i do), she should be fine. The only small problem with the whole visit is that she has a tendency to favor her left side. Her head always lays on her left shoulder and she won't move it too much to the right side regardless of sound. The doctor says she has Torticollis which is pretty common in breech babies. He said it is basically where the muscles in the left side of her neck are really tight. So all we have to do is do little physical exercises with her everyday and she will be fine. We've been doing them and already, chad and I can see a difference. Our little girl is wonderful. :)

I had my two week checkup yesterday. Thankfully, I have lost all of my pregnancy weight plus 5 lbs which is awesome. But I have decided that it isn't the weight that is so hard to deal with. Its getting used to how my body looks. You know? I know I am just 2-3 weeks after having her and I shouldn't expect miracles. But even the stretch marks and .... ah... anyways.. The doctor said my incision looked good. Its really low and I can't even see it. I am really impressed with how this has healed so far. I don't have a lot of pain anymore. Mainly just when I sneeze, cough, and laugh. So things are getting better. My next appt is in 4 weeks so maybe I will get released at 6 weeks????

This weekend we took Ava Jayne to have her newborn pics taken (BTW, I have a tendency to call her Ava Jayne, chad has a tendency to call her Ava, and my dad and chads family calls her AJ). She squalled!! It was really hilarious. And she peed all over the set. But I have posted some of the pics below.

~sash

She's here....

2009-06-30T17:21:00.000-07:00

I woke up Friday morning with my bags packed ready to go. Here we were off on an adventure that neither of us had ever experienced before. Was this how I had always imagined the birth of my daughter? No. Not even close. But as I was in the shower Friday morning, I said a little prayer. I know that you can't make deals with God, but I simply prayed, "If you will make my little girl healthy and ok, I will never complain about a c-section again." As the water rushed over me, I let go of the bitter taste that I had carried around last week.

We got to the hospital right on time, and we only had to wait at registration for about 15 minutes. Fabulous. I am not a very patient person, so this was starting my day off perfectly. :) We went upstairs to L & D. I was hooked up to a few monitors just to see how I was reacting two hours before surgery. The nurse that was with me when I had to be sent in for monitoring was also my delivery room nurse. Hallelujah. After my IV insertion and some blood drawn, I was then informed that I would have a catheter. No big deal, right?? Oh, no. I was under the impression that it would be inserted after my epidural. No ma'am. Chalk that event up to the most uncomfortable/embarassing moment of the day thus far. After Chad donned his scrubs, we walked to the OR. It was here I learned that I was not getting an epidural. I was getting a spinal block. Basically they injected the numbing medicine (oh. my. goodness. it burned like something awful..) and then the actual spinal block medicine. I didn't feel the last injection. I did however throw my guts up in the OR as everything from my chest down went to sleep. :) Classy, no? The feeling was the weirdest numb/non-numb feeling in the world. I could feel the doctor as he cut my belly, but there was no pain. I could feel them moving all my organs around but no pain. I knew I would be awake for the c-section. But i figured I would at least be groggy. Nope. I was completely lucid and after that brief dance with nausea, i was complete content. Chad sat by my head the whole time. We held hands and cried even before she was here. I was so scared. I didn't want to say anything to anyone because my friends and family have a tendency to worry more about me when I show that something bothers me. So I just told everyone I was fine. But deep down, this whole process terrified me. Terrified me to the extent that at one point (as I was sitting on the OR table getting the spinal block) I was shaking so badly that the nurse thought I was having a reaction. To the extent that I thought to myself, "I don't know if i can do this." Chad and I watched the blood pressure monitor b/c it was the only that we could see besides the clock. I was warned that my blood pressure may drop dramatically due to the block. So this is what I expected. Nope. My blood pressure peaked at 218/120. Holy cow. They promptly medicated me to fix this, and to my amazement, I didn't freak out. Honestly, laying there holding his hand waiting for her was the calmest moment of my life. I knew at that moment that I needed nothing else in my life but this man and my soon to be arriving little girl.

Then the doctor said, "We have a rear end. Oh, we have a little girl!" I just squeezed his hand as hard as I could. And I repeated in my head, "Please cry. Please cry. Please cry." Boy, did she ever! I thought my little girl would have a newborn cry. You know, like a little kitten or something. Apparently, she was born with the lung capacity of a 3 month old. :) After about 2 minutes, they lifted her little naked body up over the curtain so that we could finally see her. The first thing I noticed was her little tongue squirming around her mouth and the fact that she had beautifully colored skin. The first thing her Daddy noticed was that she was in fact light haired. Small victories for him, I guess. They took her away for about a minute (to wipe off all the goo I imagine) and then they brought her over for us to see up close. I didn't get to hold her and it was only for a moment, but it was wonderful. I had a hard time remembering to look up for a few pictures because all I wanted to do was look at her. They took her away again, and I looked over at Chad. His head was in his hands, and he was crying. Wow. We did it.

Ava Jayne Craighead was born on June 26th, 2009 at 10:26 am. She weighed 7 lbs 12.2 oz and she was 21 inches long. The exact same weight and length as me when I was born. She has sandy blonde/light brown hair and dark blue eyes. She has long fingers and big feet. Her legs and arms are long and skinny, and she hates being cold. She is absolutely perfect. And no, I am not biased. :)

~sash

Twas the night before .....

2009-06-25T21:31:00.000-07:00

So here we are. Its 11:30 on Thursday night. 11 hours or so before they begin my c-section so that little Miss Ava can make her debut. 11 hours or so before I see the face that I have been picturing and repicturing in my head for months. 11 hours or so before the focus of my entire world shifts from my wonderful husband to my new little girl.

I think I am ready. I believe that in the same way that feeling her move in my belly makes up for the months of nausea, seeing her face and feeling that love will more than make up for the things I will lose. And I am very aware that there are things we will lose and even more things that will change. But I think I am ready for that.

I am nervous. And scared. I won't lie, I am pretty bummed about the whole c-section thing. And while lots of people say "it's the same", it isn't. And I realize that. And when people say "just think, you don't have to push", well, who's to say I didn't want that?? I was mentally prepared for that pain. I knew that while I can't comprehend how intense that pain would be, I knew that mentally I could handle it. I had spent the last month or so familiarizing myself with it. But a c-section???? Are you crazy? I skipped that section in the pregnancy book. And for anyone who knows me, they know that I am calm and comfortable so long as I am familiar and aware of the next step. But its when things become a mystery that I get frazzled. Well, label me frazzled.

I know the delivery of Ava will be easier than a normal birth. I am just nervous about the healing and recovery. Your body knows how to naturally heal from birth. I mean, its what our bodies were completely and absolutely designed to do. But this is like healing from any other kind of surgery. Except I haven't had any type of surgery since I was 6 weeks old, so this is new ground for me too. I am sure all will be fine, and I try not to hyperventilate for chad's sake. So keep your fingers crossed. :)

Off to bed. I am ready to lay down, let the hours pass, and wake up to head to the hospital. Our bags are officially packed (short of my hair brush and my camera). Ava's bag is stuffed. I know we won't need all of that stuff. Call me overprepared. :) Snoop knows something's happening but he hasn't quite figured it out yet. i am sure we will have to work hard to keep him from getting jealous of the new baby. he sure does love attention. Got to be there at 7:30 with the c-section to start at 10 (so long as no emergency c-sections or the likes push us later). Oh, and just so everyone knows... as of right now, 11:50pm the night before our daughter's birth, chad and I haven't got a middle name nailed down. Talk about procrastination. :)

love you all
sasha

Doctor's Appointment - 38 weeks

2009-06-23T09:59:00.000-07:00

Had a doctor's appointment today. When I left work, I had my fingers crossed that I was dilated even just a little bit. (Actually, I was hoping for "a lotta bit" but I'll take what I can get) ha ha. Went in and hallelujah, for the first time in WEEKS, I didn't have to wait at all. I didn't even have time to pick up one of my magazines to read. I didn't gain a single pound. I was thrilled. Because, honestly, I had felt like I had gained like 10. And I hadn't exactly been picky with my food choices, if you know what I mean.

She then took my BP. It was 163/95. Wow. That's high, even for me. I then went to the room. The nurse came in and told me to lay on my side so that she can get another BP reading. I laid there for probably 5 min or so. She took it again, and it was down to 124/something. So thank goodness it was responding to me laying on my side. Doc came in, and he asked how I was feeling. I told him I was feeling well but that I really hadn't felt Ava move today. He said that he would prod around and get her to move when he listened to her heartbeat. So we listened to it, and it was wonderful. At this point, that is the most reassuring sound on earth. he poked and he prodded and he prodded and he poked. It felt like it was forever. He then said he was going to get the ultrasound machine b/c he had a feeling about something.

While we were waiting for the machine, he did the physical exam. And all i can say is OUCH!!!!! And he said that I wasn't dilated at all. seriously??!! SERIOUSLY!??? NOTHING?? My first immediate thought was, "My child is her father. Perpetually late to everything despite his good intentions."

His nurse wheeled in the ultrasound machine, and Doc said the words..."Yep, just what I thought. She is breach." Wow. You know, i was not completely caught off guard by this. Up until two weeks ago, i had told chad that she wasn't head down. I didn't know if she was breach or just laying crosswise, but I had a feeling that she wasn't head down.

Basically, he explained, that this meant we would have to have a c-section. We discussed having it on Friday, July 3rd (due date!). And he was actually on call that day. But then came the BP issue. And he said that while we can wait until next friday, he would feel safer with this friday. He said that if it was JUST my BP or JUST her being breach, he would be fine with waiting. But that 163/95 was really high.

So friday is the day. I honestly was not nervous about labor. I had even come to accept the thought of being induced b/c of BP. but i really wasn't expecting a c-section. Not even remotely. I had made the comment at the beginning of this pregnancy that I think i will be fine so long as I don't have to have a c-section.... and here we are. I really think i would feel a lot worse about this if chad hadn't had such a wonderful reaction. He was so excited. So ready to hold her and see her. And so am i.

But to be honest, they shouldn't have told me a date. B/c now my brain is mush. I can't concentrate! All i think about is friday. To the point that I have written 6/26/09 on MULTIPLE docs today. :)

~sasha

Baby Update - 37 weeks

2009-06-16T10:16:00.000-07:00

I had my 37 week checkup today. Gained 3 pounds. How does one gain three stupid pounds in a week?? Especially when yesterday, I weighed myself and I was spot on with what i weighed last week. Sigh... that was depressing. My BP was 143/87 ish. That's up from my normal but down from last week. That made me happy. As i was heading into the exam room, my phone went off and it was Chad. And what do you know???! He came up there with me. I thought that was so sweet. Its only the third time that he has went with me. The first was one of the first appointments I had, and it was so that he could hear Ava's heartbeat. And the second was the ultrasound to find out she was an "Ava" instead of an "Austin". :) So this was a nice surprise. The doc listened to her heartbeat. And we finally figured out how she is laying. She is essentially head down, maybe a little "off" diagonally. But the doctor confirmed what I have known the whole time. She is sitting high! He even said, "Wow, she's still up in your tonsils, isn't she?" That was funny. I am still measuring 39. He said that he was pretty sure that she had a lot of fluid in there and that when my water breaks, (and I quote) "the flood gates will open". He did the exam, and he said the dreaded words. "No change." What?!! No dilation, no thinning, no dropping, no nothing??!! Ah.... well... I guess I shouldn't hope for too much at 37 weeks. I mean, she's still got plenty of time left to cook until the due date. I was disappointed. But chad was a nice support. He basically said that he was ready to hold her just as much as I am, but that she just wasn't ready. And to be quite honest, we aren't either. I really need to deep clean the house. Unfortunately, i have proved to be one of the women who did not encounter or experience a nesting phase. :( It would have been very helpful, and a much needed change from my norm of .... well, we'll call it..... "junkiness". But that is my main goal for this weekend. Clean, clean, clean. Other than that, I think we are ready. Next appt is next tuesday. Keep your fingers crossed. :)

~Sasha

A happy and sad day

2009-06-12T12:30:00.000-07:00

So chad and I are 37 weeks pregnant today. And i am so thrilled. It's weird because on one hand, it feels like I have been pregnant my entire adult life, yet on the other hand, it feels like we were just standing over that little test that said pregnant and wondering what the future held. I am ready to see Ava. I am ready to hold her and meet her and tell her all the wonderful things about her and about how excited we've all been waiting for her to get here.

But because of the baby, chad and I have decided that its best to give our Olde English Bulldogge Ike away. We've had him since he was three months old so he's been with us for over two years. He is a WONDERFUL dog. But he is big, and to be quite honest, he has no idea how big he is. And when Ava is at the point that she needs "floor time" to roll and crawl and learn, I don't want to constantly worry about him accidentally sitting on her or running over her. Yesterday, the bulldog adoption agency called and said that they have found Ike a home. I am comforted in the fact that this is a legit agency and they use application processes before placing the animals in homes. But it still just rips my heart out. He is like the big lovable guy in movies. And i don't want him to feel like he doesn't have a home. His new home is in new england!! That's so far away. And I just feel like I am being selfish by giving him away just b/c it would be easier for us. But I have to keep telling myself that in 3 weeks, my heart won't hurt anymore. I'll have my little girl and I am sure I will see why this is necessary. Its just hard making it to that point.

~Sasha

My First Blog!

2009-06-11T11:41:00.000-07:00

Just a quick little blog to say that I officially have a blog! Ha ha! I am taking a page from my friend Leslie's book and using this to keep everyone updated. I have a feeling its going to be a lot easier to keep this updated rather than trying to keep up with myspace and facebook both. And I am hopeful that over the next few months/years, there will be lots to document and describe! :)

~Sasha